Here's week four. Enjoy!
Perspective
Exactly 4 weeks ago I came to New York City.
I was burnt out, tired of the school grind, and just waiting to feel that spark again in my career.
An anxious girl, who doesn't really know her place in the universe, and can't wait to figure out where she belongs.
I had a good feeling about this next new adventure. Three months sounds like a significant chunk of time. But 1/3 has gone by so so qucikly and today, I'm already dreading the end of the program. I wish I was here foreveerrrrr.
Layers
This 4th week has layers to it.
On the physical end, there's the assignment. This week we were given the assignment to make a visualization for as many algorithms as we could. The goal was simple. To learn, and to make it easy for others to learn.
My immediate thought? Ugh. Yikes. Alarm bells.
Leetcode and algorithms were my enemy in college. I still considered them to be so. I never truly got it, and I had completely given up on my ability to do so. In fact, it is one of the major reasons I didn't fully believe in myself as an engineer - because you oh so 'NEED' a solid understanding of Leetcoode to pass any interview out there blah blah blah.
Buttt here we are, face to face with the enemy - once again. I'm already feeling the pressure.
This time, I decide to focus on sorting algorithms first. "Let's start with what we know we can do"
TLDR: I did a few leetcode problems this week.
You're probably expecting some sort of "aha!" moment from my experience with those few problems. Sadly, I have none. LC still sucks. And always will. But I just have to do it. I like to think it's like how I studied for calculus - practice until it's engrained in you.
I now see LC as an annoying neighbor more than an enemy - which I would say is great progress in perspective.
It's end of Month 1 and I wish I could say I am now magically a Full-Stack Developer. I'm not, but the dots are starting to morphe into somewhat of a shape.
Imposter Syndrome
Let's dive into some of the not so physical layers.
One of the biggest challenges I had this week were mental and emotional. I was dealing with a heavy case of imposter syndrome the first half of this week. Especially after last week's demos on individual projects, I felt like I was not getting as much out of this program as everyone else was. In all my years, I have not felt this level of imposter syndrome till this week. Last weekend, I realized I have certain mental blockages that truly hinder me from absorbing information.
Sometimes, I wish I came into this bootcamp with a fresh pair of eyes - information hungry, ready to absorb - instead of burnt out and just purely not confident in myself.
This week I worked on removing my existing glasses, so I could approach every day like new. This was my attempt at unblocking myself. I think it's why I now see leetcode as almost an annoying neighbor now.
Midweek, I got one of my animations to work for selection sort. I was esctatic. This was insanely satisfying to work through. I realized that contrary to my preconceived notion, working on design/front-end is actually a a very tedious process. Long hours for little reward some may say. For me, that 'aha' moment, that spark, comes precisely through this process. I want to dive into the world of animations and UI/UX further after this experience. I worked on insertion sort's animation too and this one was a little bit more difficult. It was hard to figure out why the same logic from selection sort wasn't performing the same. Eventually, I got help, and it worked. Spark. I spent 20 minutes looking at the code after just figuring out why a few minor tweaks changed the entire course of the animation.
I needed that spark. I sometimes look back and think "I wish I tried harder" (especially in the past 2 weeks). The thought that 2/12 weeks feel 'meh' is a fat red flag to me. Going forward, I have decided to be extremely intentional with every single day at the bootcamp and not let me hinder myself.
Today, the class had an emotional intelligence coach come by this morning. For two hours we dived into the different areas of tension in our body, what they mean, how to work through them and unblock yourself over time, and why it's important to do so. I realized becoming a programmer is very personal journey. We spend majority of our time behind the screen, typing away all alone. We come face-to-face with problems that we forget to get help for, and a lot of times end up internalizing a lot of the failure beliefs that come with it. It's important to identity and work through the years of subconsious tension in your mind and body. It helps your energy levels, helps your creativity flow and your thought process speed up.
For me, my most significant amount of tension was easily in the throat. I didn't realize how much of my life has affected my ability to speak up, speak my truth and live it too.
It's interesting because the transition from the beginning of this week to the end mainly focuses around this idea too. I realized there is immense power in speaking up. Mid-week I challenged myself to "fake it till I make it" and speak up. Speak to my classmates, ask for help, etc. I knew I had to break out of my shell. It's what I came here for. And it was tough. The truth is that it never ends, just the size of the hurdle changes.
It's a cycle really. Speak, live, and experience your truth. And repeat. It's uncomfortable when you're not used to it.
But you know what.
I think I'm learning how to be uncomfortable.
P.S. If you're confused af and find yourself squinting at the screen to understand it more, honestly just try changing your theme. Yo. Quite Light ROCKS bro. The purple theme got me so psyched 🥰😛